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| Anticipate and Alleviate the Seven-Year-Itch |
By Lisa Carpenter
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Lisa Carpenter is a freelance writer who lives and learns in Colorado, in the shadow of Pikes Peak, along with her husband and daughters.
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I once read that human cells renew themselves every seven years. At the time, I considered the information interesting yet nothing more than useless trivia. But then I experienced a particularly difficult seventh year of marriage and I wondered if complete cell renewal might have anything to do with the changes I was seeing in my marriage.
The so-called "seven-year-itch" hit my marriage hard and fast. It had nothing to do with "itching" for a new sexual partner but everything to do with new feelings and ideas about what I wanted out of life. The upheaval nearly resulted in the demise of my marriage in its eighth year.
Thankfully, my husband and I made it through the rough spot intact but since that time I've noticed that the majority of marital separations or divorces happen in the seventh or eighth year. Even superstars Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid were unable to escape the blight of the average marriage. |
| Proof Positive |
Recent studies of marital satisfaction support my observations. One in particular, conducted by psychologist Lawrence A. Kurdek, Ph.D., of Wright State University and published in the American Psychological Association's journal "Developmental Psychology," provides evidence that the seven-year-itch is a reality.
Kurdek's study of hundreds of couples found a definite decline in marital satisfaction at about the eighth year of marriage.
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| Predicting the Setback |
Wedded bliss wanes in the seventh and eighth year for reasons fairly common to lengthy marriages. Causes often include one or more of the following: - Boredom with the relationship or with oneself.
- Feeling trapped in a role that is no longer desirable (primary caretaker or breadwinner).
- Having young children in the household. Kids require unlimited amounts of time and attention, reducing the time partners have for one another.
- Decreased communication.
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| Anticipate and Alleviate |
Kurdek's study found that one of the primary ways in which to improve the marriage during the seven-year-itch is to expect it. Dissatisfaction with married life is inevitable. Assuming "it won't happen to me" is a good indicator the marriage won't survive the upheaval.
Additional ways to preserve your marriage before it sours: - Stop taking your partner for granted.
- Develop a new shared interest or hobby.
- Find ways to increase your own self-worth, independent of your spouse's opinions
- Concentrate on communicating effectively.
- Experiment with new ways of exciting one another.
- Make yourself more interesting to your partner by taking a class, learning a new skill or making new friends.
- Seek professional marital or individual counseling before the problem becomes insurmountable.
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