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When I was 13, I gave my Aunt Muriel a scarf. Not just any scarf, mind you. This scarf was red, my favorite color, and huge and oblong, my favorite shape. Some time went by and I never saw her wear it, so I asked her if she liked it. (At 13, you can get by with doing that.)
She said it was a beautiful scarf, one that she liked very much, and that someday she hoped to find something to wear that went with it. Patiently, she explained that she appreciated the compliment of my giving her what amounted to my favorite scarf. “You know, Mary,” she said, “giving a gift is the easiest way for us to impose our taste on another person.”
It was a lesson I never forgot. Now that I have a niece of my own, I recall Aunt Muriel’s gifts – the pink marabou-trimmed robe, my first Hermes scarf – and I wonder if I will teach my niece the art of gift-giving as vividly as Aunt Muriel taught me. |
| A Lesson That Has Served Me Well |
What Aunt Muriel taught me was this: Every gift needs a receiver. That means putting your own ego aside and walking in somebody else’s shoes as best you can. Aunt Muriel’s lesson has served me well in both my personal and professional lives.
I'd like to share with you a few other observations about gift giving.
Joke gifts are funny only for a moment, if that long. It’s best to stay away from them.
Although red is a holiday color, be careful about gifts of flowers, particularly red roses. These may be seen as having romantic implications. Green plants are safer and more durable.
Never send a gift of alcohol to a person’s office. Most companies prohibit alcohol consumption on the job, and the mere presence of booze on somebody’s desk looks unprofessional
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| Work and Gifts Don't Mix Too Well |
| In the workplace, gift giving is an area that calls for caution and cool judgment. It’s better to keep gift giving out of the office whenever you can. These occasions – particularly around the holidays – can turn into popularity contests, resulting in hurt feelings or resentment. |
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| No matter what the boss does, an employee is under no obligation to give gifts to superiors. In fact, this could be a very bad idea. You could be labeled as an apple-polisher. Or, bosses can become annoyed at what they see as an unwelcome effort to push your relationship into an uncomfortable area. The safest time to give a boss a gift is when something good – something unexpected – happens, such as a promotion. The gift should take a simple form, perhaps cookies or brownies, or flowers from your garden. |
| Gifts and e-Tailers |
Selecting, purchasing, and sending gifts electronically can be a glorious convenience, as long as you do some thinking first.
Before placing the order, decide whether to have the gift sent to you, which will allow you to wrap and personalize it, or directly to the recipient. If you choose the latter, find a reputable, reliable e-tailer, one you’ve used previously or that has been recommended by friends.
Have the item gift-wrapped. Send a card or note telling the recipient that something is on the way. |
| Be Extra Cautious When Recycling Gifts |
“Recycled” gifts are a minefield. We all do it. Nothing is wrong with it, as long as you make absolutely sure that all evidence of its recycling is removed before you give it. You don’t want your recipient to discover a gift enclosure message intended for you.
It’s also a good idea – a very good idea – to keep a log of gifts given and received. Red faces during the holidays should come from the crisp weather; not gift-giving gaffes. |
| Always Try to Add a Personal Touch |
Gift certificates to restaurants, theaters, movies, sports events and salons are always welcome. Just present them with some panache. Try wrapping the certificate or a copy of the magazine with unusual paper and ribbon and attach a fresh flower, pinecone or holly.
Must we give to someone who unexpectedly gives to us? No. Better to accept the gift graciously ("What a great, wonderful surprise...you are just the best to remember me!") and surprise the giver later on.
There is no joy in obligatory gifts.
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| Keep an Open Mind, and Give From the Heart |
All of this takes time, and I know of no one who has too much of it during the holidays, or any other time of year for that matter. So try to keep your mind open to buying a Christmas gift in July, if the gift strikes a chord within you, and storing it for a few months.
And giving a gift, for no apparent reason, in August might mean more to the recipient than if it were one among many during the holidays.
In the end, all we really have to give is ourselves – who we are, what we know, what we do. Blessedly, we don’t need a holiday as our reason to do that. |
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