Business Writing Tips from The Writing Center
Eliminate Wordiness - Step 5
June 14, 2007
Combine short sentences that repeat words
or ideas.
What's our
usual first reaction when we realize that we have repeated words in our
documents? We search the thesaurus for synonyms. Instead, repetition
should signal a chance to tighten wording.
Look for repetition of words and ideas in
consecutive sentences. In the example below, the repetition of "report"
points to an opportunity to combine sentences.
The director needs our
final report on the customer service initiative. He would like to
have this report by May 1. Please send the results of the
remaining surveys. We need results of the customer satisfaction survey
in particular.
What information from the second
sentence is new? Could the first two sentences be combined? Could the
third and fourth sentences also be combined?
Rewrite 1: The director needs our final
report on the customer service initiative by May 1. Please send the
results of the remaining surveys, particularly the customer satisfaction
survey.
Rewrite 1 deletes repeated words and ideas but holds on to new
information. Why didn't we combine all four sentences as in Rewrite 2?
Rewrite 2: The director needs our final report on the customer
satisfaction initiative by May 1, so please send me the results of the
remaining surveys, particularly the customer satisfaction survey.
Sentences should be free of unnecessary words, but the reader should be
able to grasp a sentence's content in a single reading. Putting too much
information in one sentence may cause important ideas to be overlooked.
Therefore, be careful not to create sentences that are too long. Keep
separate ideas separate.
This edition was adapted from our Effective
Business Writing Program. Previous editions
may be read at
http://www.uliveandlearn.com/newsletters/index.cfm.
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